Can I be honest with you since we’ve known each other for quite a while now?
Somewhere along the line during my cancer treatments, I lost my interest in travelling. It was a shocking realisation for me because I had always loved travelling. I was known in my family as the girl with the itchy feet, couldn’t stop myself from going here and there, exploring hidden streets and aisles.
Also read: Febby of Jalan2Liburan’s Traveler’s Idola
My illness stopped me from being independent and took away my physical strength. Even though now I am much better, I still see how I am not like before.
Now I walk slower (though I tell my feet to go faster, it won’t listen to me). Now, my body can’t handle heat (hello migraine and nauseousness whenever I’m under the sun for too long). Now, my back hurts whenever I walk or stand or sit at an uncomfortable seat for too long.
Also read: Noni of Nyonya Sepatu’s Who Inspires You to Travel?
So yes, travelling has definitely changed for me whether I like it or not. I’ve only tried to travel to nearby places and the furthest to downtown KL and Singapore. Even those travels were sometimes too tiring for me. And so I imagine what would happen if I travelled to other (far away) places?
I once thought to myself, “Maybe it’s best that I just stay at home…”
Home is a safe place for me. Whenever I go to Malaysia, to my hospital, I long to be at home instead. It’s often the same when I feel my back throbbing, when my head hurts or when I feel sick, I imagine my bed, I imagine being home, my safe place.
But I know that whenever I go online and see pictures of people adventuring here and there, my wanderlust soul would appear, if only for a second, and it would whisper ever so silently: Wouldn’t you wanna be there?
And the answer is yes I would. Yes, I want to go to Paris again. Yes, I want to see Croatia. Yes, I want to revisit the UK with my sister. I still have that urge to travel but I am always too afraid to hope, too afraid to dream (yes!! The girl with the website Dream Explore Wander is now too afraid to dream!!). And though the answer is yes, I am still too scared to imagine myself travel again like before. I have lost some of my wanderlust soul.
In my hopelessness, I see that there are many travellers out there who are suffering from an illness but they are still travelling. These people are my source of inspiration and they have also helped me regain my wanderlust soul bit by bit. In them, I see a glimmer of hope.
Keri from Ladies What Travel suffers from post-thrombotic syndrome and APS. When I stumbled upon her post, I was really inspired by her story. I have been following Ladies What Travel for a while on Twitter and had no idea. It was her story that strengthened me during my time at the hospital.
Jodi of Legal Nomads talks about her celiac disease openly. Even though my illness is not like hers, her stories are relatable. She has always been one of my favourite travel bloggers, but her posts speak to me more now. I really love her post Learning to Cope With Chronic Pain, it was just what I needed to read.
Dalene of Hecktic Travels was diagnosed with leukemia. It was so sudden for her and her husband, they had been leading a nomadic life, one which I loved to follow on social media. They have brought so much inspirations to the travel world and now they had to alter their life because of cancer, a word I am familiar with and detest with all my heart. I love that Dalene decided to be open about her treatments, her thoughts and her fear. She makes me feel like what I felt during my treatments were normal, that those were just normal human being feelings. I follow her progress and I can feel her positive spirit, she is definitely an inspiration.
I am still learning to accept the new me. It is a hard journey but I feel like I am getting there. These inspirations, though I don’t know them personally, have certainly helped me to get to that point. I hope I will one day regain my wanderlust soul again.
Sadly this will be my last post for #CeritaJalanAsik.
This week’s theme: Who inspires you to travel?